SURVIVOR

Actress and children/women’s rights advocate Jennylyn Mercado
By Rachel C. Barawid, Angelo G. Garcia, Ronald S. Lim, Jaser A. Marasigan and Joanne Melendez
May 27, 2012, 4:14pm


By now, people already know that actress Jennylyn Mercado has gone through a lot of hardships in her life. Any lesser woman would have succumbed to the challenges that life has thrown her way — but not tough, tough Jennylyn.

Like a convoluted plot from a soap opera, her life story kept us intrigued.

It was around this time 21 years ago when a four-year-old Jennylyn made the headlines. Her skin burnt from cigarette butts, and her back bruised from a hit by a flat iron.

Her biological mother, who was then working in Dubai, immediately came home, but not to take care of her but to bail Jennylyn’s stepfather from detention. This same man was Jennylyn’s assailant.
Jennylyn’s aunt, Lydia Mercado, came to her rescue and legally adopted her, while her birth mother emigrated to London and had her own family.

After that painful chapter in life, things seemed to have gone back to normal again for Jennylyn. Her loved ones and a strong support group that helped her cope with the wounds of the past, at the same time, develop her self-confidence.

She continued with her studies and took part in school programs. In her senior year in high school, she mustered enough guts to try her luck in show business and auditioned in the GMA reality talent search Starstruck. Jennylyn won the talent search, which propelled her to stardom. She said she channeled all the scars and wounds of the past to make herself a better actress.

But it seems Jennylyn is a magnet for controversies. She got pregnant at age 21 by her ex-boyfriend, an actor, who initially distanced himself upon learning about pregnancy. Shortly after she gave birth, Jennylyn had to deal with the death of her adoptive father Roger. She also got involved in a much-publicized breakup with another actor.

Her experience as a victim of child abuse made her take up causes that champion the rights of children and advocacies that advance women empowerment. Since starting out in showbiz, Jennylyn has been the official spokesperson of Bata Foundation, a non-government organization based in Naic, Cavite. Every year, she takes time off from her busy schedule to spend either her birthday or Christmas with the abused and battered children under the foundation’s care.

Recently, Jennylyn was also named an honorary member of Gabriela, a movement of Filipino women that deals with women who are victims of discrimination, violence and sexual abuse.

These days, Jennylyn is a picture of a triumphant woman. She makes sure to keep herself fit by constantly taking up new sports — Jiu Jitsu, Muay Thai, and more recently, triathlon. She radiates optimism and appears to have not lost her zest for life when the Students and Campuses Bulletin team met with her one Sunday afternoon.

As soon as she wrapped up her hosting chores for the GMA showbiz-oriented talk show “Showbiz Central,” with her three-year old son Alex Jazz in tow (the mother and son seem to be so inseparable), Jennylyn sat with us and bared her heart.

In this 60 Minutes interview, young mother Jennylyn Mercado shares the ups and the downs of her life — from surviving those hard times and nursing her wounds, to how it made her the strong woman that she is today, to the challenges of being a good mother and a complete person.

STUDENTS AND CAMPUSES BULLETIN (SCB): Mother’s day just came up and your life and what you went through as a battered child has been an open book. How has that part of your life helped you now that you are a mother?
JENNYLYN MERCADO (JM): Siyempre, kapag me pinagdadaanan kang hindi maganda, you make sure na hindi ito mauulit. Sasabihin mo sa sarili mo na hindi mo na siya kailangang ulitin. Natututo ako sa pinagdadaanan ko, lalo na ‘yung mga hindi magandang pinagdadaanan. Sinisigurado kong next time, hindi na ‘yun mauulit.

SCB: Everything that is happening in an adult person’s life stems from his or her childhood. Have you moved on from the trauma of the past?
JM: Kasama ‘yan sa healing process na pinagdaanan ko. Mahirap at saka matagal pero ngayon ok na ako. My mom and my doctor helped a lot.

SCB: Did your past have anything to do with your mom being strict with you when you were growing up?
JM: Yes. Open naman na battered kid ako. Natatakot ‘yung mom ko na bitawan ako. Nandoon pa ‘yung trauma. Dala-dala ko ‘yung trauma hanggang first year high school ako. Takot pa rin ako sa tao.

SCB: How did you overcome that?
JM: Ang dami. Dumaan ako sa therapy. May iniinom pa akong gamot kasi tipong may nag-doorbell sa bahay, nanginginig ako, umiiyak ako. Nagtatago ako sa cabinet, sa ilalim ng kama, nagpa-panic ako. Hanggang first year high school ‘yan ha. May mag doorbell lang o kumahol aso ko, alam kong may tao, kailangan kong magtago, baka makita niya ako. Ganun ‘yung way of thinking ko eh. Sobrang traumatic kasi.

SCB: Was therapy a big help for you, considering that therapy is not really common in the Philippines?
JM: Yes, and I would recommend this lalo na sa mga batang merong pinagdadaanan. Ang laking tulong, kasi noon wala ‘yan and recently lang talaga nakahanap ng tulong sa mga doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists.

SCB: Does your involvement with Bata Foundation help you in your healing process?
JM: Yes, I go there twice a year to throw a party for them, may mga games, may mga co-actors ako na invited. ‘Yung small things na alam kong nakapagpapasaya sa kanila kasi napagdaanan ko ‘yun eh, nandun ako sa posisyon nila dati. Gusto ko mag enjoy at maging masaya despite ng pinagdaanan ko. Gusto ko ma overcome, gusto ko makaexperience na mag-enjoy ka or maglaro ka kasi ‘yan ang mga dapat pinagdadaanan ng mga bata.

SCB: Coming from such a trauma, it would be understandable if your mother Lydia raised you in a strict manner. How were you brought up?
JM: ‘Yung biological mom ko, hindi ako nagkaroon ng communication. Mommy Lydia raised me. Lumaki ako na after school, bahay, hindi ako puwedeng lumabas. Hanggang nung high school ako, hinihintay ko pa rin ‘yung sundo ko. At 6 p.m., dapat umuuwi na ako. In college, ganun pa din. Nag-aral ako sa Ateneo ng first year, nagbabantay pa rin ‘yung mom ko. Hindi ko rin naman natapos ‘yung course kong Communication. Ngayon, gusto kong mag-enroll ng culinary.

SCB: But did you try the usual things that teenagers do, like drinking, etc?
JM: Hindi ako uminom, I never smoked, never ko na-experience gumimik. Hindi talaga ako lumalabas. Medyo boring ‘yung teenage life ko.

SCB: Did you ever resent that?
JM: No, kasi hindi ko rin naman hinanap ‘yun eh. I have friends, pero hindi ako nag-barkada. Kulang na lang mag-madre ako. Kaya nung medyo nagkaroon ng freedom, ayun.

SCB: When you were pregnant with your son Jazz, did you even consider giving him up for adoption, considering that you yourself thought you weren’t ready?
JM: Never dumaan sa isip ko ang abortion o adoption. When I found out I was pregnant, una kong nilapitan ‘yung manager ko, para me back-up ako sa mom ko to explain. Sinabi ko that I had to tell my mom and that I didn’t know how to save face, save Patrick’s face, save everything. Ang daming endorsements, hindi ko alam kung pagbabayarin ba ako. Tinulungan ako nung manager ko sa mom ko. Naawa naman sa akin ‘yung endorsements, hindi naman ako pinagbayad (laughs).

SCB: Would you advise other young mothers to tell their moms first?
JM: Of course! Wala namang ibang makakatulong sa kanila kundi family. Pagdating sa ganiyang situation, hindi mo rin alam na mapupunta ka sa ibang tao na me masama ring takbo ng pag-iisip, na ipalaglag ko na lang. May mga tao ring nagsabi ng ganon pero meron akong sariling paninindigan. Nagawa ko na eh, kailangan kong panindigan.

LEARNINGS FROM EARLY MOTHERHOOD
SCB: After you gave birth to Jazz, how did you adjust during those first few months?
JM: Kasi ako lang mag-isa, ‘yung mama ko may edad na. Wala akong yaya. So hands-on talaga ako. Nagbreast feed ako for three, four months. Mahirap pala talaga! So ako lang mag-isa. Ang hirap talagang mag-alaga habang may sugat ka because I gave birth via caesarian section. Hindi ka makatayo. Natutulog kami ng nakaupo ako kasi every 30 minutes magugutom siya (laughs). Mahirap talaga hanggang sa finally nakakita ako ng makakasama ko.

SCB: What did you discover about yourself when you became a mother?
JM: Madami, like kaya ko pala mag-alaga ng bata (laughs). Kasi before hindi ako mahilig sa kids eh, nakukulitan ako sa mga pamangkin ko. Pero wala akong choice, kailangan habaan ko ‘yung pasensiya ko. Iba naman pag isa ka nang ina, you have to be patient. Kailangan mo pag-aralan ‘yung attitude nila. Makulit, maraming nasisirang gamit. But I have learned to handle different situations (laughs).

SCB: You have become a disciplinarian?
JM: Yes. Lahat ng gusto niya sinusunod ng lola, pero ako hindi. Sinasabi ko nga “Bakit noon pag hindi ako kumain, pinapalo niyo ko? Bakit ngayon kung anong gusto ni Jazz binibigay niyo?” Ni ayaw pakagat sa lamok (laughs). Sa akin, pag hindi, hindi, although I give him leeway, of course, kasi ngayon medyo delayed ‘yung speech niya. So he has speech class, aqua therapy and regular school. Mayroon rin siyang teacher na pumupunta sa house para ipractice siya sa mga natututunan niya sa school.

SCB: How do you fix your schedule to make sure you still spend some time with him?
JM: Actually busy siya! Mas busy siya kaysa sa akin (laughs)! Everyday ang class niya. I make up for lost time by bringing him to work sometimes. Tapos pag may free days ako, mag la-lunch out kami, punta sa playground or I bring him to Gymboree.

SCB: Do you fear the possibility that Jazz might grow up and become abusive?
JM: Para sa akin kasi, depende na rin ‘yun sa pagpa-palaki ng magulang. Siguro ako nasob-rahan ako ng higpit ng mga parents ko nung bata pa ako. Only child kasi ako, tapos girl pa so parents tend to be overprotective kasi natatakot mabuntis, magka boyfriend or mag-asawa kaagad.

SCB: Have you discovered new things about yourself now?
JM: Sa akin kasi before wala akong ibang iniisip kundi sarili ko lang. Pag magsho-shopping ako sarili ko lang. Pero nung magkaanak ako, wala na kong iniisip kundi para kay Jazz. I’m working for him, to give him the best education.

SCB: Do you ever worry na pag dumating ‘yung panahon na Jazz will ask you about your past, kung paano mo sasagutin?
JM: Let’s just cross the bridge when we get there (laughs). Hindi ko pa talaga alam, baka umiyak ako (laughs).

SCB: What are the similarities and differences that you share with your mom?
JM: Lumaki ako na disciplinarian, na naapply ko sa kid ko. Mahigpit din ako at sobrang disciplinarian ko talaga. Pinalaki akong ganon eh, na straight, na walang entertainment at puro aral lang. Siyempre, pagiging God-fearing at marespeto sa mga taong kasama ko, kung paano makisama. Hindi rin maganda ‘yung sobrang higpit. Pero ngayon nare-realize ko kung bakit. May mga fears din sila, so ngayong may sarili na akong anak, naiintindihan ko na.

SCB: At this point, is your son already looking for a father figure?
JM: Ang hirap naman ng tanong na ‘yan (laughs). Habang lumalaki, nagkakaroon na siya ng curiosity, I can begin to explain to him na hindi kami magkasama ng daddy niya. Hindi ako magsisinungaling. We are trying to make things normal for him, make the mother and son and father and son relationships regular. We make him feel our love for him.

SCB: Do you still aim for that ideal set-up of a family, with a mother and a father, or are you fine being a single mother?
JM: I’m fine, better actually (laughs). Siguro I’m better without anyone. Ang hirap kasi that you see a lot of couples separating. Ayoko nang pagdaanan ulit ‘yung ganung situation. Darating naman ‘yung tao na talagang para sa’yo, na makakasama mo hanggang sa pagtanda mo at hindi ka iiwan.

SCB: In the future, would you allow Jazz to enter showbiz?
JM: No! Ayoko. Ako na lang at ‘yung daddy niya. Huwag na lang siya. Mahirap na. Baka hindi ko kayanin kung mayroon mang-intriga. Baka sugurin ko (laughs).

FIGHTER
SCB: We understand that you are a new member of Gabriela.
JM: Yes, I’m a new member. Eto ‘yung mga kababaihan na fighters na inabuso rin, hindi nakalaban at may mga pinagdaanan din sa buhay. Nandito ako kasi babae ako at nararamdaman ko rin ang nararamdaman nila. Nandito ako para suportahan din sila, kausapin sila, at bigyan sila ng kahit konting words of encouragement na huwag silang susuko, na hindi porke’t babae puwede nang samantalahin, tapak-tapakan. We have to be strong and palaban. Bigyan ng chance ang mga kababaihan na makalaban at ipagtanggol ang mga sarili nila.

SCB: Do you support only that particular stand of Gabriela or even certain issues like reproductive health, etc.?
JM: Of course, lahat ng issues na nakakaapekto sa buong pagkatao ng kababaihan such as health. But ayoko kasi pumasok sa issue ng RH as far as the Catholic Church is concerned. Let’s face it nandyan pa rin ang temptation, lalo na sa generation ngayon. Meron naman tayong kanya-kanyang opinion. We have the freedom na paniwalaan ang gusto nating gawin.

SCB: Also much publicized are your past relationships, which included men who reportedly physically hurt you. Was there a time in your life that you hated men?
JM: Yes, pero noong bata ako. Talagang takot ako sa mga lalaki. Kasi ‘yung nambugbog sa akin lalaki, feeling ko at pumasok sa isip ko na lahat ng lalaki ganun. Sa relasyon naman, lahat ng mga nakaka-relasyon ko, may natututunan ako. Ayoko namang pagsisihan.

SCB: Kasama rin ba sa healing process mo ‘yung relationships from the past?
JM: Oo naman, at saka habang tumatanda ako, ang dami kong nare-realize.

SCB: You just said that you’re better off without a man in your life but you actually have a boyfriend now.
JM: Siyempre ini-enjoy ko muna ‘yung ganung relationship, but nothing complicated.

SCB: How did you become such a fighter? You could have easily given up.
JM: Hindi ko rin alam eh. Siguro nasa pagpapalaki na rin ng parents ko sa akin. Siguro hindi ko rin ito kaya kung hindi ako lumapit kay God. Pinalaki akong God-fearing and madasalin talaga eh. Naniniwala talaga ako na ‘yung prayers nung time na ‘yun ang solusyon. Hindi Niya talaga ako pinabayaan.

SCB: After what you have been through, what has been the single best thing that ever happened to you?
JM: ‘Yung pagdating ni Jazz ang pinakamasayang experience sa buhay ko. Iba ang fulfillment ‘pag mommy ka na.

SCB: Is there something in your past that you want to change?
JM: Wala akong gustong baguhin kasi lahat ng pinagdaanan ko marami akong natutunan. ‘Yung mga bagay na ‘yun ang nagpatibay at nagpalakas sa akin. At saka tapos na ‘yun, naka move on na ko. Nasa mode na ako ng magandang daan for myself and for my family.